I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
