im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
