Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
