Don't you send me to vm
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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