I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
