I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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