i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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