i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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