At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
