I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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