My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
how does that bad decision feel?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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