Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
