Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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