A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What a dumb baby whore.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
