Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
