I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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