Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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