So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
