i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
