And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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