escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
