She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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