I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's never too late to be topless.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize