I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
