I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
