I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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