Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
