i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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