i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
