Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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