Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
