Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
