There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
