he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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