Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize