well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
