No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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