I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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