moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
