I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
