apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
