I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
