Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
