He disabled his match.com account in front of me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
