she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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