I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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