yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
