i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
