I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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