I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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