I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
