Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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