Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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