Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
