It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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