I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
