That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He kissed a someone with a penis
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize