just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
