I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
