I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
