I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
