I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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