You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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