Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
