We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
