So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
