her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
love makes seman taste better
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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