my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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